One Pathetic Little Heart

Black and white photographs

Hanging on the wall, behind me,

Dance at the company

Of sheer curtains.

Fresh coffee rings on the table

Cuddle with the lacquer

crying for my attention.

The chandelier wonder

At the brightness of daylight,

And my little heart

Wonders at the lies I heard.

I feel nauseous at how I

Put up with all those lies.

I'm just so tired of the notion

of truth.

what a pathetic little heart!

What naivety and vulnerability has

Consumed you.

You made me think I own

the autumn,

That I can have him all for myself

In my private abode.

That spurious affection was

Afterall nothing but a lie,

And my foolish heart

created fake scenarios,

with every word of Autumn,

who would give a peck on the neck,

With a pat on the back.

What a pathetic little heart!

You never understood

What seasons meant,

You never realized they belong to

each other.

You found it amusing to be with fall,

In his private party,

for you came early with excitement.

And just like that,

when autumn left,

leaving the leaves and me behind,

You still lingered around his home,

Unable to free from the hangover

and intoxicated by the leftovers.

What more it takes for you to

Come to senses?

How long does it take to make you sober?

What spell should I chant to wake you up?

Please wake up and walk one step forward,

My pathetic little heart!

A. C

Comments

THE SILENT CRY

Darkness ...at its zenith Silence.. at the sound 's lowest decibel.. I wrapped myself up into the blanket tears rolled down my cheeks.. I cried.. I cried in the dark silence silently.. No voice of my cry.. I bite my hands.. I cried silent loudly.. I cried for the dreams unfulfilled I cried thinking of my unpredicted future.. I cried thinking of my unknown death.. I cried thinking of my inabilities I cried thinking of the gifts not given to me I cried thinking of my people.. And I complained God Almighty for the miseries given to me.. ... I wiped off my tears.. I smiled. Perfect... Nothing is better than this silent loud cry..!! A.C

Kaathal - The Core Breaker of 2023

Kaathal - The Core is one of the movies of 2023 that left an ache in my heart. It's the kind of movie where you just sit and stare at the wall for hours after you finish it. I keep thinking about the pain of Mathew, Omana, Thankan and Chachan and it is something that continues to haunt me. Mathew’s pain is something that has become part of him by living the prime of his life pretending to be an integral part of a heteronormative society. His calm and meek personality is like a dormant volcano that is likely to erupt anytime. When he confronts his pain with Chachan and Omana, we see him peeling off his outer layer of crust and showing us his core. The core, that has carried deep wounds of fear and shame of coming out and confronting his fears, all this while. I don’t think I have seen a more compassionate and kind woman as Omana in recent movies. Despite being in a marriage that doesn’t fulfill her needs, she stays in it for years for the sake of Mathew. And when the right ...

Little Poem

My procrastination ends here, While the urge to write chokes my throat, My hands get paralysed as in a trance, I find excuses to write a little poem, I make up a lonely man, a distressed woman, a lovers’ quarrel, an unrequited love, But they are reluctant to play the part, Maybe i should give them a raise, Or throw a party at midnight, Maybe a few drinks might work, Only if they don’t puke. I can expect a little vandalism, Some damage to the property and a mini scandal, Possibly out of rage. But at the end when I bring my weapons, Sometimes they get scared and back off, Some may never come back, Others find it funny and mock at me, And opportunists, seeing my desperation, Attacks me with manipulation. And all these while, my three panic attacks talk to me in a different language, I try to write a little poem With a racing heart and flowing eyes, I write my little poem, tortured and broken, I end my little poem, Like a mighty warrior, Who had a pyrrhic victory.

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