I Wish to Go Home to Cry

I wish to go home to cry,

My eyes have started to blur out,

I can't carry the weight of unshed tears,

But I'm far from home.

My feelings overflow like a spring gushing forth from the earth,

It seeks refuge in moonless nights and

dark corners.

The heart has outgrown, it's no longer of fists size,

It has become indifferent to the aches and scratches.

I wish to go home to cry,

But I can't remember where my home is,

It has become a delusion,

I get the blurred images of the blue windows with yellow curtains,

That swayed in gentle winds,

To kiss the books on the table.

Or was it a yellow window with blue curtains?

I'm unable to figure out the exact picture,

I haven't been home since three seasonal cycles, or four or five.

But I wish to go home to cry,

To cut open myself and

heal my heart with yellow flowers,

And to sleep with lavenders under the pillow.

But which is the right road?

Which is the right bus?

Where do I get down?

I have miles to travel,

Rivers to cross,

Deaths to witness,

Maybe my heart will survive till then.

Maybe it will endure everything,

And if not,

I will bury it myself in this lonely sands,

Chanting a dirge,

Away from home,

Ceasing all the feelings.

But I wish to go home to cry,

Maybe I will find home someday.

A. C

Comments

THE SILENT CRY

Darkness ...at its zenith Silence.. at the sound 's lowest decibel.. I wrapped myself up into the blanket tears rolled down my cheeks.. I cried.. I cried in the dark silence silently.. No voice of my cry.. I bite my hands.. I cried silent loudly.. I cried for the dreams unfulfilled I cried thinking of my unpredicted future.. I cried thinking of my unknown death.. I cried thinking of my inabilities I cried thinking of the gifts not given to me I cried thinking of my people.. And I complained God Almighty for the miseries given to me.. ... I wiped off my tears.. I smiled. Perfect... Nothing is better than this silent loud cry..!! A.C

Kaathal - The Core Breaker of 2023

Kaathal - The Core is one of the movies of 2023 that left an ache in my heart. It's the kind of movie where you just sit and stare at the wall for hours after you finish it. I keep thinking about the pain of Mathew, Omana, Thankan and Chachan and it is something that continues to haunt me. Mathew’s pain is something that has become part of him by living the prime of his life pretending to be an integral part of a heteronormative society. His calm and meek personality is like a dormant volcano that is likely to erupt anytime. When he confronts his pain with Chachan and Omana, we see him peeling off his outer layer of crust and showing us his core. The core, that has carried deep wounds of fear and shame of coming out and confronting his fears, all this while. I don’t think I have seen a more compassionate and kind woman as Omana in recent movies. Despite being in a marriage that doesn’t fulfill her needs, she stays in it for years for the sake of Mathew. And when the right ...

Little Poem

My procrastination ends here, While the urge to write chokes my throat, My hands get paralysed as in a trance, I find excuses to write a little poem, I make up a lonely man, a distressed woman, a lovers’ quarrel, an unrequited love, But they are reluctant to play the part, Maybe i should give them a raise, Or throw a party at midnight, Maybe a few drinks might work, Only if they don’t puke. I can expect a little vandalism, Some damage to the property and a mini scandal, Possibly out of rage. But at the end when I bring my weapons, Sometimes they get scared and back off, Some may never come back, Others find it funny and mock at me, And opportunists, seeing my desperation, Attacks me with manipulation. And all these while, my three panic attacks talk to me in a different language, I try to write a little poem With a racing heart and flowing eyes, I write my little poem, tortured and broken, I end my little poem, Like a mighty warrior, Who had a pyrrhic victory.

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