Disobedience

Every time my heart breaks, 

I see a thousand happy faces, 

Wandering leisurely, 

With peace of mind. 

I wonder if they are really happy, 

I feel like stabbing them at heart

And see it myself. 

The happily beating heart. 

Every time it happens, 

I promise my heart to protect it from

happening again. 

But my heart doesn't follow reason, 

I fall again for cute smiles, 

Big cares, warm touches, 

And big funny stories. 

I make myself ready for

the next venture, 

As if it is new as if it is the 'one'. 

But happy faces pop up after a while, 

Reminding me I'm wrong again, 

That my home carries no happiness, 

It only takes away the existing one. 

My mind tries to reason with my heart, 

But sometimes my mind falls asleep, 

And heart steps out stealthily, 

Searching to pour out and cling, 

Regardless of seasons and time. 

And every time the mind wakes up late, 

When it's time to start the mending works. 

I feel my heart whizzing, 

Of all the pain and tearing up, 

Unable to decipher the true human

Emotions. 

And I'm sick of my heart's disobedience, 

Its impulsivity and stupidity. 

And I'm done saying, 

'I shouldn't have'. 

A. C