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A Call for One More Summer Swim

 


Dear Oliver, 

  Last summer was not only about freshly smelling grass and ripened peaches to me, it became something more than that because of you. Your arrival to help my father taught me lessons for a lifetime. It was you who gave meaning to my summer, to my days and its absurdities. When I first saw you, little did I realise that you are going to unravel the real Elio, an Elio who was so much in love. An Elio who was so confused at the choices of his love and who showed the courage to confront it no matter what. I remember when you whispered to me "Call me by your name and I'll call you by mine", the time when I felt as if the four lettered word Elio pouring out from your mouth is all I wanted to listen to in this entire universe. But sometimes life offers us a different path, away from what we actually want. 

I still remember the fun we had at Bergamo, the way you kissed me secretly pressing against the walls, never did I experience that feeling ever again. Because it was you, it was always you whom I loved hardly and who broke my heart. Even if we cannot be together, I'm glad that you were part of my life. However far I go, whatever I do or whoever I meet, Oliver, you will always be the one within whom I find home, with whom I can always be that introspective teenager. When I saw you dancing your heart out to 'Love my way' at the party, it was then I realized my love for you and the kiss that I stole from you at the bank of the river was my declaration of it, everything feels like yesterday. 

Our memories are vividly played as in a video to me, the first and last time I kissed you. Similar to prophet Gideon, I followed my visions for you which was my desire. But with you being gone, my memories are only visions of what could have been between me and you. I know you love me the way I do, but we are people stuck in a realm of impediments and raising eyebrows. However I hope there will be a day when lovers like us can walk holding hands, not in some secret alleys, but through public places, without struggling in shyness and stigma. Untill then, remember, call me by your name and I'll call you by mine. 

To peaches, summer swims, and bike rides with you. 

Love, 

Elio


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