One Platonic Lover

He doesn't know the nights i cried for him.
He doesn't know the thoughts i had for him.
He doesn't know the things I want to tell him.
He doesn't know the pain of my heart every night I burst into tears.
He doesn't know the happiness i wanted to share with him.
He doesn't know the places I want to go with him.
He doesn't know that everything will be fine.
He doesn't realise I'm there for him, no matter what.
He doesn't know the prayers i offered in his name.
He doesn't know the times I complicated my mind for him.
He doesn't know the songs i want him to listen to.
He doesn't know the poems i want him to read.
He doesn't know the years I waited.
He doesn't know the times I was present with him, in my absence.
He doesn't see the scars I bore for him.
He doesn't see the fights I fought for him.
And when the sun hits the ocean,
The tears that flowed was enough and more for a pond.
And finally as the unsaid words remain unsaid,
illusions and intuitions
remain just as
illusions and intuitions.
My love remains unsung with the rusting piano,
Like the never cleaned polluted river.
This platonic lover and her divided soul,
Torn apart at the waltz dance and love songs.
You say it's normal if love hurts,then what it is if it can only hurt you?

A.C

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THE SILENT CRY

Darkness ...at its zenith Silence.. at the sound 's lowest decibel.. I wrapped myself up into the blanket tears rolled down my cheeks.. I cried.. I cried in the dark silence silently.. No voice of my cry.. I bite my hands.. I cried silent loudly.. I cried for the dreams unfulfilled I cried thinking of my unpredicted future.. I cried thinking of my unknown death.. I cried thinking of my inabilities I cried thinking of the gifts not given to me I cried thinking of my people.. And I complained God Almighty for the miseries given to me.. ... I wiped off my tears.. I smiled. Perfect... Nothing is better than this silent loud cry..!! A.C

Kaathal - The Core Breaker of 2023

Kaathal - The Core is one of the movies of 2023 that left an ache in my heart. It's the kind of movie where you just sit and stare at the wall for hours after you finish it. I keep thinking about the pain of Mathew, Omana, Thankan and Chachan and it is something that continues to haunt me. Mathew’s pain is something that has become part of him by living the prime of his life pretending to be an integral part of a heteronormative society. His calm and meek personality is like a dormant volcano that is likely to erupt anytime. When he confronts his pain with Chachan and Omana, we see him peeling off his outer layer of crust and showing us his core. The core, that has carried deep wounds of fear and shame of coming out and confronting his fears, all this while. I don’t think I have seen a more compassionate and kind woman as Omana in recent movies. Despite being in a marriage that doesn’t fulfill her needs, she stays in it for years for the sake of Mathew. And when the right ...

Little Poem

My procrastination ends here, While the urge to write chokes my throat, My hands get paralysed as in a trance, I find excuses to write a little poem, I make up a lonely man, a distressed woman, a lovers’ quarrel, an unrequited love, But they are reluctant to play the part, Maybe i should give them a raise, Or throw a party at midnight, Maybe a few drinks might work, Only if they don’t puke. I can expect a little vandalism, Some damage to the property and a mini scandal, Possibly out of rage. But at the end when I bring my weapons, Sometimes they get scared and back off, Some may never come back, Others find it funny and mock at me, And opportunists, seeing my desperation, Attacks me with manipulation. And all these while, my three panic attacks talk to me in a different language, I try to write a little poem With a racing heart and flowing eyes, I write my little poem, tortured and broken, I end my little poem, Like a mighty warrior, Who had a pyrrhic victory.

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